Our 4th Baby

So, I have to explain why I haven't written a blog post since August.  It has been a rough few months, but I'm ready to share our experiences now.

On Monday, August 27, 2012 (Cooper's 13 month birthday and the day after he took his first steps), Keith and I found out we were pregnant.  How excited we were!  We were going to have our fourth beautiful baby in mid to late April and we couldn't have been happier.  Granted, I was scared and overwhelmed with this exciting news.  My mind spun with all the details from how would we tell our families, to how we would arrange bedrooms (we only have three kids bedrooms, so Cade and Carter would have to share), to how it would be to have a fourth C-secttion, to how Keith and I would have to reschedule our 10 year anniversary trip.  Even with all of these details swirling in my mind, I was overjoyed at the thought of another baby.  Maybe it would be a girl.  Or maybe it would be another boy.  In my mind, there was no bad option.  I was HAPPY!!!

I called to make my first OB appointment and informed Dr. Levy that my physical test results had come back recently and as of August 4, my TSH (Thyroid Stimulating Hormone) was at 4.08.  This, of course, is very high on the range of normal, bordering on abnormal.  For both my sake and the baby's, he started me on Levothyroxine.  I immediately felt better.  I didn't even know that I was exhausted until I wasn't exhausted anymore after my first day of the hormone replacement.  I felt great!

On Thursday, September 13, 2012, I woke up to use the restroom.  I noticed immediately that I was spotting.  I tried to relax, but I had a feeling that something wasn't right. Of course, my first thought was to call Keith who was out of town on business.  He encouraged me to call the doctor right away.  I got into the SkyRidge office of Rocky Mountain ObGyn that morning with the on-call doctor for an ultrasound.  It was confirmed.  Our baby stopped developing at 6 weeks 1 day.  At that point, I was supposed to be 7 weeks 7 days.  So, my miscarriage was beginning.  The doctor was very kind and informed me of what would happen in the upcoming days.  It sounded like a horrible, bloody experience and, boy, was it ever!

I felt horrible for days.  Physically, I felt like I was a walking horror movie.  The blood and clots were absolutely insane.  Almost unmanageable.  There was a time, in the middle of the night on Friday, when I felt faint and light headed due to blood loss.  Maybe I should have gone to the ER, but I toughed it out until Saturday morning.  Shockingly, the bleeding came to a fairly abrupt halt.  I guess my body got rid of what it needed to get rid of and that was it.  I have heard from mothers who have given birth naturally, that the pain and blood loss is temporary and subsides quickly after the birth of their babies.  Maybe that's what happened to me, except I didn't have a baby anymore.

I cried a lot.  I'm not usually a big crier, but I cried A LOT!!!  My emotions, and my hormones, were all over the board from one moment to the next.  I never knew how I would feel from minute to minute.  I didn't want to talk to anyone about how I was feeling.  It took me almost 2 weeks to be able to talk about it at all with anyone but Keith.  It was hard- one of the hardest things that I have had to go through in my life so far.  Losing a child, no matter how early, feels absolutely devastating and tragic.  I suppose I was lucky.  I lost a child who I didn't really know yet.  But, what we lost was the hope of what our family would be with four beautiful babies.

Crazy as it sounds, Keith the psychic (friend of Brian and Teri Weiher) has insisted for about 2 years now that I would have a miscarriage.  He says that I will have the chance to be pregnant 5 times in my lifetime, but we only have the chance to have 4 children with us.  Thank God that I believe strongly that our baby is being taken care of by God in Heaven.  What better place for him/her to be, right?

So, herein lies the reason for my lack of blog posts.  I have been an emotional wreck.  I don't even think I realized how up and down I have been until now.  I've just been trying to keep myself busy, running around like a chicken with my head cut off, forcing myself to be productive and not an emotional disaster.  Finally, I feel like I am coming off of my roller coaster.  I am feeling like myself again and I'm grateful for that.

We will always love you, Baby K #4.  We will be together again, my sweet angel.  Keep Heaven warm for us!  XOXO

We have a walker!

Cooper has done it.  He's a walker!  On August 26, 2012, just one day before his 13 month birthday, he  took his first steps.  It was beautiful!  We had just finished Sunday dinner with Nanny, Papa and Aunt Ashley when we were all sitting on the couch relaxing.  Cooper came over to the living room area, stood up and took three REAL steps before falling down on his bottom.  This, as you'd imagine, was the opening of the flood gates.  From that day forward, he got better and better.  His skills and balance literally improved by the hour.  As of today, Cooper walks, dances, bounces up and down, bends down and picks up objects without falling, throws balls (his favorite thing to do),  and climbs the stairs independently.  He's growing up right before our eyes!  It's truly miraculous!  Oh, and what a love he is!  We can't get enough of his cute face.  Here he is...in action at Chuck E Cheese.

He's a great eater too.  We always thought Cade was an amazing eater, but Cooper puts baby Cade to shame.  Cooper eats everything.  And I mean EVERYTHING.  Here are a few examples; chicken, salmon, roast beef, raspberries, oranges, baby yogurt, greek yogurt, cottage cheese, cheese sticks, veggie booty, squash, peas, green beans, zucchini, grapes, avocados, and the list goes on and on.  This is what I walked into on one September afternoon in our kitchen.

I rest my case.  

Cooper also enjoys Music Together classes every Tuesday morning with Mommy.  This was an extra special class because both big brothers were able to join him.  Yay for Fall Break!  A good time was had by all, as Cade and Carter remembered all of the songs from their years in Music Together classes.